1/15/2020

Hello everyone. How are you doing? I need some time and space to vent over stupid shit to others but most of it is important to me. Things like for instance, my husband thinks that I am very smart, I don't see it, but he is constantly volunteering me to be google search and information for everyone. That shit drives me crazy because that is what the internet is for, not me. People who spend a lot of time on their phones should know how to look things up on google, instead of them having to do the work, my husband volunteers me to do it for everyone like I should know all the answers in the universe.
Another thing that is so minor is food. When I buy something and state that it is mine or for me to eat and when I am ready to go get it and someone else has used it all, that irks me because they were the ones who told me to inform them if something is specially bought for me. Things are really getting to me because of my environment, what's going on around me, and sometimes even the people around me annoy the crap out of me.
I feel so awkward because I am not like everyone else and have my own core values and such that it makes me stand out as being the bad guy because I don't believe what others believe, but I must conform to their ways in order to keep the peace. It feels so much like deja vu because again, I am having to put another mask on to hide who I really am. It almost kills me to have to resort to such drastic measures that change my life and who I am totally.
When does the masquerade stop and life begin? I don't know what else to do but be what everyone else wants me to be no matter if it makes me happy or not. Maybe God has a reason for this, I could only hope, or there is something bigger going on that is beyond my scope of intelligence.
It is driving issues between my husband and me and I can't help but question my own existence in this place.
Sorry for having to vent but it has got to come to a head at some point. My mental health medication can't block out everything. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.

04/14/2018

“Happy Weekend Everyone!!” I think I need to change the title of these posts from daily to weekly being that it has been rough trying to get here every day. My husband was down with the flu for about five days and still recovering and now I am dealing with allergies which are miserable. I hope everyone is having an awesome weekend?

It has been windy here all day and I love it because then it is not so hot outside. Doesn’t do any good for my allergies though. I have made my mind up to quit smoking and I have set the date which is Thursday. I have gotten the patches to help and have set aside some things to do to keep my hands and mind busy. I am amped about it because I am starting to dislike the taste and smell of them.

My husband is not ready to quit yet but has agreed to show his support and will not smoke in the house or around me until I can handle it. I love him so much because he cares about me so much. It will be difficult but I know that I can accomplish it.

I have gotten back into my writing and I will be starting a new chapter in one book, finishing a chapter on another book, and working on a third book. I need to disappear into my stories for a bit, lol. They are my stress reliever and hideaway. I am finally beginning to move forward with life and be happy.

For Easter, my husband bought me a 2017 Nissan Versa so now we have reliable transportation when we need to go somewhere. I don’t care to leave the house much except to run to the store or doctor’s appointments so the mileage will stay pretty low. When we first got it, it only had 44 miles on it and we are the first owners. It was a surprise and I love it just like I love my husband and soulmate.

Well, I will get off here to start my writing time and I should be here in the morning to post again before I clip coupons. Take care everyone and I will chat more tomorrow.