Showing posts with label God. Show all posts
Showing posts with label God. Show all posts

Wednesday, April 15, 2020

4/15/2020

Good morning to everyone. It is eight forty-eight in the morning here in Dalton, Georgia and such a beautiful day outside. We still have not received our stimulus payment yet but that is okay because if we receive it closer to our leaving to go back to Tennessee, it will make things a lot easier for us to get things together. I am looking forward to it, but the doubt of not receiving it lingers because I owe some back taxes. It states that the CARES Act suspends those payments it still makes me unsure.

My husband is gone right now because he took an elderly roommate to his doctors' appointment this morning. I am still drinking on my first cup of coffee and have showered already this morning. It is hard to get in the shower when there are so many people living in the house. I stay in my room a lot because of all the people who seem to congregate here during the day that it affects my mental health.

Now onto the updates of our nonprofit. The coronavirus has put a damper on our fundraising efforts due to social distancing that we might have a slow year helping those who are in need. I am hopeful that during the summer we will get to go out and feed the homeless again. We now have the van for transport and it needs a little work, but we are hopeful to have at least six months of services.

Today is a writing day for me because I have had to put things off to do other things. I am working on some Bible stories from the Old Testament and also finishing up my companion book to addictions. I have three more articles to write and post and then work on some grant stuff for our nonprofit organization. Today, I will be busy and hope for no distractions.

Well, it is that time again for me to get busy. I hope that everyone has a nice and safe day. Please keep the homeless in your thoughts and prayers and I want to wish everyone a "Happy Birthday" that has one today. May you all have many more to come. Take care and God Bless.

Want to read some of my books look for them at amazon.com/author/brandipayne

Friday, March 6, 2020

3/6/2020

Good morning everyone. How are you today? I am still waking up but I have been up for a couple hours now. I have finished one cup of coffee and now I will be drinking one of my diet sodas. I have everything set up for my daily routine to get started and will be getting them done as soon as I finish this post. My husband is sitting here with me and he has been up since early this morning and should be going to nap here in a few minutes.
I have to go let the dogs out for their morning potty and then I will be finishing up the backroom clean up. It is a mess back there because of the water damage due to the fire. I had bags of clothing stored back there for the homeless which got soaking wet from the fire. Now, I have to get them thrown out and start over collecting clothing for the homeless and needy. I also have to clean up all the trash and do the floors so that it will be clean and have more room for the dogs to go out there and play.
It is time to take care of business and get things started. I do apologize for the short post today but things need to get done so that I could have a little free time for myself and my husband. I hope that everyone has an awesome Friday and "Happy Birthday" to those who turn another year older today. May you have many more to come. Please keep the homeless and Hope Station USA in your thoughts and prayers. Take care.

Wednesday, January 15, 2020

1/15/2020

Hello everyone. How are you doing? I need some time and space to vent over stupid shit to others but most of it is important to me. Things like for instance, my husband thinks that I am very smart, I don't see it, but he is constantly volunteering me to be google search and information for everyone. That shit drives me crazy because that is what the internet is for, not me. People who spend a lot of time on their phones should know how to look things up on google, instead of them having to do the work, my husband volunteers me to do it for everyone like I should know all the answers in the universe.
Another thing that is so minor is food. When I buy something and state that it is mine or for me to eat and when I am ready to go get it and someone else has used it all, that irks me because they were the ones who told me to inform them if something is specially bought for me. Things are really getting to me because of my environment, what's going on around me, and sometimes even the people around me annoy the crap out of me.
I feel so awkward because I am not like everyone else and have my own core values and such that it makes me stand out as being the bad guy because I don't believe what others believe, but I must conform to their ways in order to keep the peace. It feels so much like deja vu because again, I am having to put another mask on to hide who I really am. It almost kills me to have to resort to such drastic measures that change my life and who I am totally.
When does the masquerade stop and life begin? I don't know what else to do but be what everyone else wants me to be no matter if it makes me happy or not. Maybe God has a reason for this, I could only hope, or there is something bigger going on that is beyond my scope of intelligence.
It is driving issues between my husband and me and I can't help but question my own existence in this place.
Sorry for having to vent but it has got to come to a head at some point. My mental health medication can't block out everything. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.

Friday, December 27, 2019

12/27/2019

My apologies for not writing any posts lately, it has just been one of those years where I am elected to cook dinner and no one wants to help. I have been so busy cleaning the house, cooking, and baking that my life went on standby for a few days. let me wish everyone a Merry Christmas even though it is a little late. My favorite place to be is here writing to all of you.
Now that the holidays are officially coming to a close for another year, I can finally get my life back in order and back on track. I have just a few days left of this year to have my addictions book part one completed and I think it will be on time. I have to possibly break this book into two books because of the content. I call it the beast because there is so much information plus there will be a companion book to go along with it.
I am wrapping up the first part of it and still have to format and edit but my hope is that it will help just one person to break their addiction cycle. I went through many years of all types of addictions and have broken most, but I still have one or two left to break. With God's help, I think those two will be broken soon.
Did everyone have a great Christmas? We didn't too much celebrate this year. No decorations or even a tree. This is what happens when you live with someone else. Next year, I plan on having a tree fully decorated and lots of gifts underneath it. I am the decorating type of woman who loves to see tinsel everywhere and a bright lighted tree with gifts for my babies underneath it. I wasn't able to afford anything for them this year but will get them some stuff after the first of the year.
My husband is gone to a doctor's appointment and I just got up and I am having my first cup of coffee. The babies are eating their food and playing in the next room while I sit here and write this post. I am going to be working on my book for the next few days and getting it finished.
Well, it is time to get motivated and I have the music playing so allow me to say goodbye for now. Have a blessed day and bless others. I want to say "Happy Birthday" to those of you who are celebrating today. May you have many more to come. Please remember the homeless in your thoughts and prayers as we move into colder months. Take care.

Saturday, December 7, 2019

12/7/2019

Hello everyone. It is going on three o'clock in the afternoon here in Dalton, Georgia and the sun is shining and not quite so cold outside. It is hard to believe that it is winter with the sun shining and no snow on the ground. I slept in a little today and had coffee with my husband this morning. I have been on strike with cleaning the house since yesterday because after cleaning the house really good I found a sink full of dishes and people's clothing everywhere, so I figured that I can't do it anymore by paying rent to live here and be everyone else's maid too.
I have gotten our stuff unpacked and put away and now I am ready to get back to writing. I recently published my crime thriller and I have had a good response to it so far. I am proud of my writing and published books. I have just had a couple of weeks of unpacking and getting things established here and now I can get back into my writing and find my passion again.
Monday, I will begin making phone calls to several different Walmart locations to set up weekends for our donation drive where we collect socks, blankets, food, and other things for the homeless. I plan on making this a better year for Hope Station USA and getting her back on track since my health is improving. I look forward to helping the homeless and passing out hope to them that there is another way to live and that they don't have to be out there in the elements.
Well, time to get things going around here and back into my writing. I hope everyone has a wonderful day and a "Happy Birthday" to everyone born on this date. May you all have many more to come. God Bless and take care.

Sunday, June 9, 2019

Our Journey- The New Property- The New life


5/24/2019            Day 1
                We arrived at our property today with our cabin already delivered and set up. We pulled in with a twenty-foot trailer that was loaded with all our stuff. We got the trailer set up to where we could unload it efficiently. We want to work smart and not hard. I stopped to look over our property which had turned green since we were last up here.
                It looked like we had not touched anything because the grass had grown up over and around everything. We knew we had a job cut out for us. We got everything unloaded off the trailer and into the cabin because we feared it would rain. Then, the cabin became cluttered. We were already exhausted from the five hour drive it took us to get here and then having to unload the trailer. Let’s just say we both didn’t care how hot it was we collapsed onto the bed and fell asleep.

5/25/2019            Day 2
                The night had been chilly, and it felt nice and cool inside the cabin enough to where we didn’t want to get out of bed, but we knew that there was work that needed to be done. We got up and drove into town stopping to get a cup of coffee before going to Walmart to get some things we needed. We loaded up on water and food before buying a five-gallon gas can to have for the lawn mower and weed eater.
                We then headed back out to the property which is about nine miles from any store or gas station and began setting up the lawn mower and weed eater to get started with clearing the property. Our focus was to get the front and back yard done so that when we were ready to build a fence, we knew the boundaries. The dogs have been able to run free except for one because we never know when she will bolt off the property. Once the fence is installed, she will then be able to run free with the others.
                We spent the better part of the day in the sun clearing the yard and hauling branches and tree limbs to a pile where the grass had already been mowed. We worked as a team except for a few tiny arguments because of being in the heat. We took a break and went to cool off sitting on our front porch and then apologized to each other for the outbursts and arguing.
                We worked on the yard until the sun had gone down and it became to dark to see. We are here with no power except for a large generator which we only use at night to run our air conditioner enough to cool it off and a lamp. We have no water except for the gallon jugs we fill at Walmart and a five-gallon bottle. We conserve the water to make sure it lasts long enough to have for the dogs and to bathe with. Once we are done in the evening, we do a wash up from a tub of water and then we lay down to enjoy the coolness from the air conditioner until the generator runs out of gas, then we go to sleep.

5/26/2019            Day 3
                Sunday is supposed to be a day of rest, and we agreed that we would take the day off, but it didn’t happen. We both ended up outside in the heat clearing more property. We have almost three acres of land to clear and we have managed to get half an acre cleared already. The dogs are enjoying the space and must inspect every area that is cleared and mowed down. We still have a long way to go before reaching the back property line but working on it every day we will finally reach the back.
                My husband loves the fact that there are blackberry bushes everywhere, but we had to agree which had to go and which ones could stay. Where the house is going to be added on, those blackberry bushes had to go to make room for the house.
                We will never be bored here with so much work to do. I get to work in the mornings and evenings outside while spending the hottest part of the day inside working on my books. It is so quiet here and the reason for the move was to get away from all the drama and to give me a place to write quietly.
                It hurt us a bit financially to make this move and today I began looking at the bills and how was I going to catch them up. Some bills will not get paid on time and some will only get partial payments until I can get them caught up. Everyone will just have to wait until we get things back on track which should happen sometime next month.
                Some bills will be paid off in a couple months while others stretch out until the end of the year. When doing the budget, I also have to budget in gas for the generator and car, plus water until we get a water source here on the property. I might have to buy dowsing rods to locate the water, but we do have IBC totes which once we get rain gutters installed, we will have the rainwater catch system for a water source.

5/27/2019            Day 4
                This morning I woke up to my husband wanting intimacy which we both needed some release. After that he made me a cup of coffee and enjoyed watching the sun come up together. Once the sun came up and our coffee cups empty, we went to work cutting and pruning trees while I ran the weed eater. The afternoons are very windy here and it blows through the cabin keeping it cool. It also keeps it from becoming to hot outside which my husband and I have already been burned by the sun.
                We will be taking a trip back to Walmart later to buy ice for our cooler which keeps our drinks and water cold. This evening we will be hauling more trees and branches to the wood pile and cleaning up the yard from our mess. Right now, my husband is taking a nap since he hasn’t been sleeping well for about the last week due to the stress of moving. But things are still moving right along.

5/28/2019            Day 5
                Today was a mediocre day but stress levels began to rise as the day went on. I know that my husband says he doesn’t believe in God, so I have to have enough faith for both of us. He began digging for water today while I used the weed eater to clear more grass and brush.
                He began getting frustrated after digging four feet because he had not found water yet, but I tried to keep him motivated to dig deeper. We had to make an ice run and trips out to the local post office to put in change of address cards and visit the local social security office to change our address with them. He got even more frustrated because I closed our food stamp case for Georgia and applied here in Tennessee. I will not be a part to fraud, and he was just exhausted mentally from the move and having to work so hard on clearing the property.
                We have cleared half an acre so far and found numerous blackberry bushes and fruit trees which we can sell at the local farmers market in town. Anything to help us out financially. It hurts to see him frustrated because we are always broke and behind on bills, but I can only do so much.
                I will keep positive about things and do the best we can. It will take a few months but we will be back on track soon and everything will be okay.tt

5/29/2019            Day 6
                It was a good morning with the dogs happy and enjoying themselves outside playing while we drank coffee on our porch. After that, we got ourselves together for work and went out into a breezy morning cutting and pruning trees as well as clipping vines that were attached to the trees. I hate those vines and with their thorns it hurt quite a bit moving them.
                My husband did most of the work while I stayed inside the cabin organizing things where they should go. He would take breaks and come in and check on me because he knows that moving around a lot can drop my sugar quickly and we haven’t even looked up where the nearest hospital is located.
                I finally got things organized and put into place and was ready to join him outside working. He was taking down trees while I grabbed the weed eater and went to work. I worked for a few hours and kept regular checks on my sugar levels which have been in the one-hundreds for a while since moving to our property and keeping away from the drama of everyone else’s lives.
                It was a good day and we finally got to meet one of our neighbors who is Mennonite and lives completely off the grid. He has several acres next to us and eats what he grows and hunts. I thought he was a nice man and he gave us some advice about our property quality. I rather enjoyed his visit while my husband thought there was something wrong with him. I had to explain how that culture survives and all I got was a funny look. But it was still a good day.

5/30/2019            Day 7
                Today started out groggy because of my medicine and the fact that I was exhausted from the prior days work. We go to bed early and wake up early here. It is funny how it happens when we were always going to bed late and sleeping late and our prior residence.
                We worked hard all-day clearing land and piling it all up on a clearing next to our driveway. We work good as a team, but he still worries about me and if he sees me struggling with something he will come over and do it for me. I appreciate him so much because of how well he looks after me. Sometimes, he cares more about me than himself.
                Our neighbor on the other side of us a few lots away came over to introduce himself and he seemed like a nice man too. The other neighbor told him how we were digging a well and hadn’t hit water yet. They had two wells and offered to fill our two IBC totes with water for us so that we could have water for bathing or whatever we needed. So, he took my husband and the totes over to his property and they cleaned them out and filled them both with water while I continued to work on the property. We are putting sweat equity into our property because of wanting to live out our dreams of homeownership and a house that we built.

5/31/2019            Day 8
                Today is payday for us and we got up and headed out first thing in the morning after our one cup of coffee. We went out and paid bills and bought stuff that we needed, and this was a whole day adventure. We went to Lowes, which is over the state line in Mississippi, and I wanted to walk around and look while he kept trying to rush me. I finally told him that after riding in the car all day that I wanted a chance to walk around and stretch my legs. He still kept rushing me.
                We got everything we needed and now have a spicket on our totes to get the water in desired amounts. The dogs are happy with the water, but my husband is not used to drinking well water and he needs to get used to it. Our neighbors offered to give us water any time we needed it until we get our well drilled. I thought that was pretty nice of them.
                We are going to bed early tonight to get a fresh start in the morning on clearing more property from brush. We have half an acre already cleared and looking nice for a yard and good curb appeal. My husband is exhausted and so am I so I will cut this post short. Good night.

6/1/2016              Day 9
                I was too drowsy this morning to get up with my husband, so he allowed me to sleep another hour before waking me up to work. By the time I got up, he already had one corner of the property at the road cut down, pruned, and cleaned up. I got out there and helped a little but today I begin working on my books again and for a couple hours everyday I come inside and write.
                My husband has been outside working while I am here writing articles and working on my next book. He was outside when our neighbor came over and I got to meet his wife who is really nice, and they like to stay away from drama which is good. They stay to themselves and have projects around their property that they are working on.
                He came over today to check on us because our truck has a slow leak in one of the back tires. While my husband was outside with him, I had an episode of hypoglycemia where my sugar check read forty-four and I began to get confused and shaky, so I called for him and told him that I needed him. When he came inside, I tried to tell him what was going on but it was hard to speak and move.
                I lost the feeling from the waist down and felt like I was going to pass out and he made me eat a couple of snack cakes we just bought and it wasn’t helping much, so we went to get something to eat and my husband drove like he was panicking. He kept asking if I wanted to go to the hospital and I kept telling him no.
                We got something to eat and right now I am still a little wobbly, but better than I was earlier. Thank God I wasn’t alone, or I would have gone into diabetic shock which is what I think was beginning to happen until he made me eat those snack cakes. He just came in to check on me and I told him I am better. I love him so much. Well, I need to get working on my other writing tasks and he wants me to check my sugar again, so I will leave you until tomorrow. Take care.

6/2/2019              Day 10
                This morning I got up to go to church for the first time in years and it felt good. I know that I have to church shop to find the one that best suits me, but I think this church will be my home church. When I got home, my husband was clearing more property around his blackberry bushes. He asked me how church went and then it was back to work for me.
                I picked up the weed eater and went to work clearing the tall grass that filled the pathway to the back of the property. The dogs had a fun time and even helped my husband dig in the new spot that he is going to try and find a water source. The last hole was a bust so it will be our outhouse until we get some more of the house built to include indoor plumbing.
                We then both took a nap and he tried to wake me, and I had wanted to go to Sunday night service but clearing the property had been a priority since we moved here and I know that I should put God first. I will go back to church Wednesday night for bible study and go from there.
                All in all, it was a good day and we got plenty of area cleared. We finally sat on the front porch and watched the dogs play while drinking a cold beverage. Today was a good day.

6/3/2019              Day 11
                Today we got up and had our coffee before going back to work on clearing more of the property. It was hot with the sun beating down enough to give us both a little sun burn. We got most of the front yard done with a small corner left to do.
                The dogs were having fun running around free and playing. They just don’t know that they will have a fenced in yard with no escape yet. With what little money we had left, we bought a few can goods to eat, but haven’t had much of an appetite because it being so hot. We had a good day.

6/4/2019              Day 12
                This morning when we got up and had our coffee, it was an overcast day and looked like rain was coming but it never showed up. We spent the day cleaning up our mess and raking all the mulch we did with the lawn mower and getting it ready for grass seed. There is some grass, but I want to give the dogs a nice thick lawn to lay and play in.
                After several hours of moving branches and small trees that were cut down, we got most of the front yard cleaned up and most of the mulch put into piles for pick up. By the end of the day, we were exhausted and looked forward to sleeping. We have nothing but time to clean up the property and found more blackberry patches as we cleaned up. The yard was looking good and we could see the hard work we put into it. We are putting sweat equity into our property.

6/5/2019              Day 13
                This morning we thought we would take a day off which in the end we still got out into the yard and cleaned up some more. We are not punching a time clock but feel the need to work everyday to get the property cleared and cleaned up.
                We did, in fact, work only half a day today because it started to rain a little bit. It felt good because the rain here is cold and being in the heat so much it feels replenishes our body temperatures. Sometimes we sit on the porch and talk about the plans for the property. I am glad my husband has some input now that he has found his blackberries.

6/6/2019              Day 14
                We woke up to cloudy skies and lots of wind. We watched as the clouds rolled in and saw the lightning strikes in the distance. We knew that we weren’t going to get any work done today. About an hour later, it began thundering overhead and the rain poured from the heavens. It had been dry so long that it made me happy to see everything getting water.
                Halfway through the day I began to not feel well. I had a migraine starting and tried laying down. A couple hours later, I felt nausea and did not want to eat anything. My head hurt all day while it poured rain outside. The smaller puppies were not used to thunder and lightning and it freaked them out enough to snuggle up to me trembling.
                We laid in bed most of the day while my migraine got worse. I took a pain pill with hopes that it would help, but it kept me up most of the night and I blacked out and fell twice. Let’s just say I didn’t get much sleep.

6/7/2019              Day 15
                Today was another rainy day with flash flood warnings in the forecast. We sit on top of a mountain and not too worried about flash flooding here. I felt a little better this morning after my morning cup of coffee and telling my husband how I blacked out twice and my hip was hurting from falling.
                He got upset because I didn’t wake him up to let him know I was having issues. My head wasn’t hurting anymore, and I still had no appetite but forced myself to eat a peanut butter sandwich. It rained all day with no chance of letting up and just as the migraine went away, it returned with me feeling like I was freezing. I felt so cold that my body hurt.
                I snuggled up to my husband on the bed with socks on my feet and a thick blanket wrapped around me. After I warmed up a little, I tried rolling over to sleep but my head just kept hurting. I knew I needed to go to the hospital but we found out that the nearest hospital is thirty minutes from our house and we are on limited gas since we have a big trip coming up to return the trailer we borrowed to move. So, I took another pain pill and laid down to sleep, but before I did, my husband made me eat a can of Spaghetti and meatballs to have something in my stomach. I finally fell asleep.

6/8/2019            Day 16
                This morning was okay. Our food is now becoming scarce and we don't get food stamps for another few days. My husband is getting a little frustrated because of our situation but I keep the faith alive for both of us. We worked a little today but it was getting too humid which made working a bit hard. He did most of it because he let me sleep longer while he pruned and finished off the corner of the front yard.
               Once I got up, I began dragging brush and branches to the pile laying next to our driveway until I couldn't do it anymore. We took the rest of the day off and he made a makeshift shower on the back side of the cabin with some old plywood we had laying around so that we could take a somewhat normal shower.
                After that, we ate some ramen soup and had a cup of coffee while enjoying the forty-five minutes of air conditioning we get every evening off the generator. That is how we are living right now until we get our finances in order. I had to make the decision to send my car back because we need to save money to have our well drilled, but it means more gas money by a hundred dollars for the two trips to Dalton, Georgia that we take every month to see our doctors. I will leave it in God's hands now.

6/9/2019           Day 17
                 I went to church this morning after having coffee with my husband and found it to be revealing in some ways. I want a closer walk with God and asked for prayer while I was there. It made sense to me now about the car and that I need to allow God to handle it. If it is meant to be it will be.
                 I came home from church and my husband is out lighting ant mounds with gas and fire to kill them off because I have way too many bites all over my body and two may be infected. So, he is killing the ants today. I will be going back to church tonight and continually praying for my husband and for our finances. I know it will be okay and have faith in God.