Hello everyone. How are you doing? I need some time and space to vent over stupid shit to others but most of it is important to me. Things like for instance, my husband thinks that I am very smart, I don't see it, but he is constantly volunteering me to be google search and information for everyone. That shit drives me crazy because that is what the internet is for, not me. People who spend a lot of time on their phones should know how to look things up on google, instead of them having to do the work, my husband volunteers me to do it for everyone like I should know all the answers in the universe.
Another thing that is so minor is food. When I buy something and state that it is mine or for me to eat and when I am ready to go get it and someone else has used it all, that irks me because they were the ones who told me to inform them if something is specially bought for me. Things are really getting to me because of my environment, what's going on around me, and sometimes even the people around me annoy the crap out of me.
I feel so awkward because I am not like everyone else and have my own core values and such that it makes me stand out as being the bad guy because I don't believe what others believe, but I must conform to their ways in order to keep the peace. It feels so much like deja vu because again, I am having to put another mask on to hide who I really am. It almost kills me to have to resort to such drastic measures that change my life and who I am totally.
When does the masquerade stop and life begin? I don't know what else to do but be what everyone else wants me to be no matter if it makes me happy or not. Maybe God has a reason for this, I could only hope, or there is something bigger going on that is beyond my scope of intelligence.
It is driving issues between my husband and me and I can't help but question my own existence in this place.
Sorry for having to vent but it has got to come to a head at some point. My mental health medication can't block out everything. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.
Another thing that is so minor is food. When I buy something and state that it is mine or for me to eat and when I am ready to go get it and someone else has used it all, that irks me because they were the ones who told me to inform them if something is specially bought for me. Things are really getting to me because of my environment, what's going on around me, and sometimes even the people around me annoy the crap out of me.
I feel so awkward because I am not like everyone else and have my own core values and such that it makes me stand out as being the bad guy because I don't believe what others believe, but I must conform to their ways in order to keep the peace. It feels so much like deja vu because again, I am having to put another mask on to hide who I really am. It almost kills me to have to resort to such drastic measures that change my life and who I am totally.
When does the masquerade stop and life begin? I don't know what else to do but be what everyone else wants me to be no matter if it makes me happy or not. Maybe God has a reason for this, I could only hope, or there is something bigger going on that is beyond my scope of intelligence.
It is driving issues between my husband and me and I can't help but question my own existence in this place.
Sorry for having to vent but it has got to come to a head at some point. My mental health medication can't block out everything. Thanks for listening. Have a great night.
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