3/8/2020

Good morning to all. It is eleven thirty-five in the morning here in Dalton, Georgia. Another sunny day is what we have today and it is so beautiful outside. I haven't been up for long but I feel that I am going to get a lot done today. Call it intuition if you will.
My husband is making another pot of coffee because he does drink a lot of coffee. I am still on my first cup which I guess would measure up to two cups given its size. I am feeling pretty good this morning so far now that I have taken some medicine for a headache that I woke up with.
We are still sitting here drinking coffee and having a good conversation. He is making me laugh by acting so silly. I love him so much and I try to make it show. The dogs are playing in the room and having a good time. When it gets quiet is when we begin wondering about their character. The one thing that I do love in the whole world is seeing the older ones playing with the younger ones. It is so cute even though sometimes we have to tell them to be easy with the younger ones because they are tiny babies.
This might be a short post today because I am starting to have the feeling of racing and speeding up. I hate these feelings but they do happen, so guess what, I am a normal human being. I am on medication to help with these things, but one panic attack or depressive mood will always slip by them and make my day hell, but today I am feeling good feelings and happy thoughts.
So, let me tell everyone to have a blessed day and share their love. "Happy Birthday" to those with one today. Please keep the homeless and Hope Station USA in your thoughts and prayers. Take care and love someone today.

3/5/2020

Good evening to all. I am finally done cleaning the house up after having three doctor's appointments today. It has been a full day. I had an IV sedation neck procedure done with a diabetes check-in followed by my wound care appointment then coming home to clean up the house. Our roommates are traveling to pick up his stepfather who was placed into a rehab hospital without him unaware of it. he remembers going to sleep and then waking up two days later in this facility and no one coming to see him. So, our roommate went to go pick him up in Mississippi and bring him home here.
I was stumbling through some old files and came across my menu flyer for my restaurant and remembered how much it meant to me also. I made a comment to my husband that I still wanted my little restaurant to serve homestyle food at affordable prices to everyone. It would be another way to bring in some income and give us some different adventures to go through. One, it would get us out of the house and away from the property, two, it would help us make new friends, and three, it would be something different every day. I still look forward to it.
I have been doing some thinking about my books as to what book should be next to be published. I have gone in different directions and made different choices and I think I have come up with a solution which will be to finish off the shorter books and then work my way up through the longer books and get back on schedule with all the other books. I have a few shorter books that I have started and it wouldn't take long to finish them, so I think that they will be easier to get done first.
Anyway, I had my neck procedure done today and I will still feel pain a little bit for a few days before the medicine actually kicks in. This is the second procedure on my neck in a couple months. In a few weeks, I will be having another one done on my lower back to help with the pain. I want my health back in shape to be able to work on our property and get ready to build our house. I need my eating habits to be regular and my activity needs to be more in gear so that I can withstand the heavy days of labor to make the property ready for the house, the greenhouse and gardens, and the livestock. It will all come together soon enough and then we will be happy up there.
Well, I need to get some other things written and finished to keep up the good work. I want to wish everyone a great night and a "Happy Birthday" to everyone turning another year older today. May you have many more to come. Please pray for Hope Station USA and the homeless as we wind up this cold winter season. Take care.

1/18/2020

Hello everyone. How are we doing today? I have been up for a few hours now and it is one eleven in the afternoon, but it looks so cloudy and cold outside that it doesn't even feel like the afternoon. Everyone is moving around in the house and some are getting ready to leave while I sit here and work on my book some more. The goal is to have the addictions book done at the end of this month which I am still doing pretty good on time so far.
I need to do my walk around the block here shortly to add to my steps for my fitness app. The goal is to walk fifteen thousand steps daily to lose some weight and get myself healthy again. I have to see my diabetes doctor this next Friday and she is not going to be well with my blood sugars since they have been high since Thanksgiving. I am also going to get back into their program to lose weight also and that will be fun, lol.
I should be finishing up the regular addictions today and then starting on the drugs which will be learning for me also since my drug of choice back in the day was crack cocaine. I haven't dealt with any other drugs, so writing about the others will be education for me as well as my readers. I still have to write my story in the book too.
Well, it is time to go walk, so I hope everyone has a beautiful Saturday with your loved ones and "Happy Birthday" to everyone turning another year older today. Please keep the homeless and Hope Station USA in your thoughts and prayers as we move into colder temperatures this winter season. Have a blessed day. Take care.

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!!

Well, turkey day is finally here and families are getting together. I just feel empathy because the homeless are alone and outside in the cold. Where are their families? I got up this morning feeling okay and everyone was hustling around getting the food and everything set up. It is my day off from cleaning and cooking, so I am going to take advantage of it.
With my mental illness affecting how I adjust to groups of people, everyone here knows that I will eat with them, but then I will adjourn to my room and write. I cannot be around groups of people without having a panic or anxiety attack, so it is best that I refrain from being around everyone.
I miss my family on the holidays but maybe next year will be better when we will be in our own house and I am the cook. We will be able to have people over to share the holidays with. I haven't seen my dad since September of last year and my mom in over twenty years. I finally called her ad we spoke for about an hour and it was good.
I will keep this short because I have some book writing to do while waiting for dinner to get done. our roommate has gone to pick up some of their kids so, I will stay back here in my room with my dogs and spend Thanksgiving with them. They are apart of my family and usually every year they get to eat turkey with me, but being that we are living with another person, they will have to get scraps that I bring back here.
Well, time to get things done and begin my writing. I hope everyone has a blessed Thanksgiving and enjoys the love of the holidays. Please keep the homeless in your thoughts and prayers and be good to one another. Take care.

12/14/2018

Good evening everyone and Happy Friday! I know a lot of you are probably already partying a bit welcoming in the weekend. It is ten twenty-six in the evening here and my roommates are drinking a bit while my husband and I are in our bedroom. We have taken our medication and ready for bed. We are not the party type anymore.

Tomorrow is the memorial for my roommate's dad who passed away at the beginning of the month and it will be a sad day for us because I miss him. He was a pain in the ass every now and then but we still had some good times and laughter. It will be me saying goodbye to him one last time tomorrow and then it will become final. I am glad that he is no longer in any pain and suffering and in a better place.

I am still wearing the temporary pacemaker for my bladder and visited the doctor yesterday to inform them how I was doing with it. It has made a tremendous change in everything. I have not felt the urge to urinate in almost a year and now I do and it is wonderful. I am not having as many accidents and the urgency to go has decreased quite a bit. So, it was a good decision to try this. I am so happy to urinate the correct way, lol.

I just talked to the person in charge of surgery scheduling and my surgery for the permanent pacemaker implant will be Tuesday and I ask for everyone's prayers that all goes well. I am waiting with anxiety to have it done. It will be life changing to a point and I expect that, but it will be a welcomed change.

As far as my writing is concerned, it has been difficult to find the motivation to finish editing one book because of the whole pacemaker ordeal, it has been very uncomfortable and even times of pain. I have not been able to do a lot because of it and that is difficult also because I am so independent and feel stressed because of having to rely on others to do things for me.

So, tomorrow I will be spending quite a bit of the day finishing the editing and then having the final editing done so that it can be published hopefully Monday. I am looking forward to it with enthusiasm. I need to get my motivation's butt kicked into gear and keep moving. I have now found my passion and it has taken me all my life to find it and now I need to keep hold of it.

I hope everyone is enjoying their evening and wish everyone a blessed and safe evening. "Happy Birthday" to those who are a year older today and may you have many more. Take care.

12/4/2018

Hello everyone. Today is not a good day and I feel like shit. I wanted to post to let everyone know that because of my mental health illness that I am putting things away and I don't know if I will pick them back up ever. I am canceling almost all of my doctor's appointments except the urologist because I am due to get a pacemaker in about a week from now.

The only reason for that is because I am tired of peeing the bed and all over myself. It is affecting me mentally which does not help the situation. I am tired of going through things and now that I think about it, it makes sense why I stayed homeless for so long because I had nothing for anyone to take away.

I don't know at this point what to do and all I can do is sit here and cry because I am worn down and my mind is going everywhere. If I am here tomorrow posting, it will be considered a miracle. So for now, I just have to play it by ear what will happen next. Take care everyone.

12/3/2018

Hello everyone. It is five forty-two in the evening here in Dalton, Georgia and fifty-three degrees outside which brings a beautiful day to a close. I, first, want to ask for prayers for the Dailey Family who lost their father early this morning. I was with him all day yesterday and up until his passing this morning. He was a man who lived a full life and passed at the age of seventy-two to go be with his wife who passed away three years ago yesterday. Please forward your thoughts and prayers their way. It has been a blessing to know this man and his family and he will always be in my thoughts and prayers as he journey's to be with the Lord.

After his passing this morning, I was able to go to bed and get some sleep since I had been up with him for twenty-four hours. Now, after a time of remembrance, I can begin a new day with achieving my goals and aspirations. He has been an inspiration to me even though we shared some disagreements, but I still had a love for him in my heart.

Tomorrow is a new day, and with it comes new hopes and dreams for a better future. I plan on getting back on schedule with everything in the morning and you will be seeing my writing pop up everywhere and I have plans to make a podcast and a Youtube video every week reading some of my works and giving updates on what is going on with me so that my readers can put a face with a name.

I want people to know that I am a real person with real problems but love to share my stories with the world. I also have a nonprofit assisting the homeless to become self-sufficient that I will be doing some stuff for and creating a new program to help out more. Everything has been a cluster f*** lately and my world has been tossed upside down with health issues and conditions, but I am slowly getting things back on track so that my family can move forward.

Right now, my husband is taking a nap and the dogs are snuggled with him while I sit here writing this post. The only light on is my desk lamp which makes it calmer for me to concentrate on things and my writing. I have fallen behind by a couple of weeks on my writing and will be playing some major catch up in the next few weeks to keep things moving forward.

Our finances are straightened out for right now and I am working to keep them that way. Somehow, I got thrown off with bills this month and thought that I would have some money to publish my next book, but again, bills took precedence and I cannot afford it right now. We are not even going to be able to afford Christmas this year again.

I almost want to just give up on the holidays because we have not had a Christmas in a couple of years, but come hell or high water my babies will get some things this year. I have not been able to buy any new clothes in a couple of years and anything different that I get to wear is a hand me down from someone else. Last month, I was able to buy us a package of socks each.

Times have been hard and I try to stay optimistic and positive, just like I have been trying to get books sold just to add to our income with no luck because I don't have money for marketing expenses and push out free advertising where I can. I hope that this new year will be different. I have tried posting on some crowdfunding sites which never gives me any return even after offering any funders a copy of the book published.

Well, enough venting for now. I wish everyone a happy and blessed week and evening. "Happy Birthday" to all those celebrating one today and may you have many more to come. Take care.

9/10/2018

Good afternoon everyone. How are you doing today? "Happy Monday!" It is the first day of the work week again and I know some of you are probably feeling pretty sluggish today after a good weekend.

First off, we had to rush my roommate's mother to the ER this morning by ambulance and just a little while ago found out she had a heart attack. There is still no word as of yet what they plan to do or their course of action, but I am asking everyone for prayers that she makes it through all of this and for her son who already has a lot on his plate. I am asking God for strength that he can overcome all of this. His father has been moved to a nursing home and now his mother with a heart attack, so please send your prayers this way for this family.

Now, on to other things, I am doing okay today. I went to see my mental health doctor this morning and we have a new plan of action to help me with things going on and more medication changes like I need it. I have come home and began mowing the lawn in the front yard to get a little exercise since my husband swept and mopped for me this morning. He can be so sweet and helpful at times.

I, again, am playing catch up on some things and just finished sending out and scheduling tweets about my free ebook promotion and my Kindle Countdown promotion on another recently published book. Yesterday alone, I gave away nine free ebooks and today another four more. The Kindle Countdown just began today so hurry and get your copy now.

My writing has tapered off a little due to some mental health and possibly some physical health issues. I will be doing a sleep study for narcolepsy and will go from there. I feel fine when I get up in the morning, but by dinner time, I need a nap. My one to two-hour power naps has now gone to full six and seven-hour naps. It could also be due to mental health issues like stress and severe anxiety that can be wearing me out to exhaustion which is causing my mind and body to shut down, but I will soon find out.

I now have four books in the editing stage and working on writing three more for this month. I have two that are simple edits while the other two need more extensive editing, but my schedule allows Sundays for editing while I can write during the week. I will probably cut back on writing for a week and just work on editing these books to make them ready for the editor before publishing.

It probably sounds like a lot, but I could do a book a week which would be more tiresome, so it breaks up the monotony to work on one book for an hour and a half and then move on to the next for the same amount of time until I have worked on three of them in one day. Although they will not all be published at the same time. I write as the story flows through my mind.

Well, it is time to get to work since I am getting a late start. I want to wish every one of you a blessed and happy Monday. Also, everyone with a birthday today, "Happy Birthday" and wishing you many more to come. Take care.

8/26/2018

Good morning everyone. Welcome to the last day of the weekend. This is what I used to call the day of rest and recovery from a hard weekend of partying, but that was years ago when I stopped drinking. I have been clean and sober ten years this month. I am so proud of myself for a great accomplishment. Most people have a hard time walking away from drugs and alcohol but I am here to testify it can be done, even without support.

My newest addiction is writing books, lol. I have a hard time when I am not writing. I get irritated when I have to go somewhere or do something and it messes with my writing. It is what gives me space from reality and stress. It has become a coping mechanism for my mental health and it reduces my stress and high blood pressure.

I will be finishing up another manuscript today and possibly the second one too. Then I will have four books in the editing phase. I am hoping to have the fifth one done tomorrow. I will just be sitting on them until I have the money to pay for the editing. It is hard being on disability and trying to pay for something like this after the bills. I will manage it though.

Today is a great day and I wish everyone a blessed day. This will be a short post today because I have coupons sitting here that I need to get done before writing. I am always saving money with my coupons and I have a good stockpile of items to get started with. So, everyone have a wonderful Sunday. "Happy Birthday" to all of you having a birthday today and may you have many more. Take care and God Bless.

8/14/2018

Hello all! I just realized that I didn't post anything yesterday and I sincerely apologize. In a way, it wouldn't have been a good day to post because I had a very bad day yesterday. I cried, I got angry, and I zoned out a few times. It is just very stressful within myself. I made it to my therapist yesterday and couldn't stop crying because I was so angry and confused. The best advice she gave me was to take it one day at a time and keep myself safe.

On the drive there, I hoped I would have crashed the car into a tree, that is how bad I felt. I don't know what is going on inside me or with me. I feel like the best thing for me to do is to close up in my room and keep myself safe. My husband wouldn't understand why even though he knows that I have done it before. I would only come out of my room to shower, eat, and go to a doctor's appointment. I feel like I need to be alone for a bit and it isn't anything anyone has done.

All of this has to do with me and my mental illness, but I don't expect too many people to understand that. My therapist told me to sit down and do a self-reflection and try to narrow down what happened that made me change. I told my husband yesterday that I am not the same person. Something has changed or triggered a change in me that has caused a lot of conflict within myself. I am good one minute and then wanting to punch the wall the next, which I am not a violent person.

I thought I would be better today but things just keep happening that force me out of my comfort zone and I don't like it. I am trying to behave myself and keep all of my comments and thoughts to myself today so that no one will take things the wrong way. I have a hard time getting the words from my brain to my mouth correct and some things are twisted and people get the wrong meaning of what I am trying to convey.

I am hoping I can try to start over again tomorrow since it is a new day and maybe even feel better. I see my primary care physician tomorrow for an update on my diabetes and cholesterol which I am changing my diet and eating to the way they want me to eat so that I can lose weight and get everything under control. I have some goals made and pinned up over my desk so that I remember.

My goals are to lose fifty pounds, have seven more books published, and my A1C for my diabetes to be under seven all by Halloween. These are realistic goals for me and I know that I can do them. The stress has a lot to do with my weight though because I can't seem to lose any weight or even gain any weight. I am just stuck at my current weight with only a shift of three pounds either way.

I am going to discipline myself to stay on my routine and schedule come hell or high water. If I have a doctor's appointment, I will catch up on what I missed on my schedule before going to bed that night. I need to get things back to where they were or I will crash and burn and my husband has already stated that he doesn't want me going into the hospital because he needs me out here, but if it is for my own sanity I will.

Well, I think I made up for not posting yesterday and I apologize for it seeming like I was venting some frustration. I am not myself and need to fix it so I can be better. I will end here or I will get started again and don't want to talk your ear off or ruin your eyes trying to read all of this.

I wish a "Happy Birthday" to everyone with a birthday today, and to everyone else, have an awesome night. I want to send prayers out to a friend of mine who is in the hospital from having a stroke and wish him a speedy recovery. Take care.

7/12/2018

Good afternoon friends and family, old and new. How are you today? It is almost the weekend and I know everyone is anxious for it to get here? My apologies for not posting yesterday, after the doctor's appointment and grocery shopping and running some other errands, I was not feeling well mentally and needed to lay down in a quiet, dark room.

On a brighter note, I just got my letter from the diagnostics place that my mammogram was normal and there were no malignancies. That made me feel better to know and now I can wait another year unless things change. Today was a little weird being that when I got up from a restlessness night, I felt the sudden urge to stay near my husband for some reason. I could not put my finger on it, so he is staying close to home today and an eye on me.

I will try more writing today and hopefully get closer to having one done. I was just looking at websites for cover images and pricing and found several that were intriguing. It will be fun when the time comes to format my books and set up the covers. I am really anxious but will take my time writing and editing and should be on schedule to publish two or three books in August. I will have a fourth book which will become a short story freebie or a short story to one of my characters, I haven't decided but would like some feedback in the comments of which you think it should be?

Well, I need to get going to accomplish my daily goals and wish everyone the best day ever. Take care.

6/15/2018

"Happy Friday!" It is a beautiful morning outside, the sun is shining which is a good thing because the rain was getting to be too much. The weekend is here for a lot of you which is a good thing and I know you are waiting for the clock to finish your shift at work.

I transplanted the rest of my garden from pots to the ground and upon checking on them this morning they are all perked up and growing strong. We just got back from dropping someone off at work which I had to get up at six this morning, bummer. Some of my tomato plants are beginning to flower and the rest are doing their best to grow. I still need to get my pumpkins and watermelons in the ground before the end of this month.

I manage to get fifteen hundred words of my next short story done yesterday which made me happy. I write short stories of about five thousand words which became too much to write in one day and be able to get things done around the house. So, I broke it down to fifteen hundred words a day for three days to write one story. It looks like I will be posting a short story every three days for each page of my site.

I just returned from my primary doctor's appointment and had mentioned about my treadmill exercise which was good in her opinion. She gave me hope that if I lose enough weight, my diabetes could eventually disappear. That would be great and I know I am on the right path to achieving that goal. I came home and jumped right on the treadmill to get my time done for today which right now is a quarter mile every day. I am starting out slowly because I have been sedentary for many years.

Well, I need to get going on the rest of my goals for today since I got a late start with doctor's appointments and everything. Have an awesome Friday and welcome to the weekend.

05/24/2018

Good morning to everyone. It is not such a good morning for me. I feel like crap and there are bags under my eyes again. I went to see my psychiatrist yesterday and explained to her what happened yesterday morning. She seems to think that it is because of sleep deprivation which causes my oxygen level to drop which can cause me to blackout.

My husband and I are still concerned with these actions that happened yesterday so much that my husband makes sure all the chemicals are put away before I go to sleep at night. He can also feel when I get out of bed, so if I get up he wakes up to check on me or he sits up with m until I go back to sleep. This is how much he loves and cares about me.

I got up about three this morning and drank a glass of milk before going back to bed. I just woke up when my alarm for seven went off. I know I am tired but I have to force myself to stay up and get my day started to completion. I feel exhausted but I have to finish my goals to make myself feel accomplished even while facing sleep deprivation.

I am happy and self-satisfied when writing and even sat on the bed with my feet propped up writing one of my short stories and I felt good. I am trying to be positive about my health issues and continue working my goals. I am glad that I do have some support here in the household and hope that it continues.

Well, I have to run to the pharmacy for medications and then I will be back to check on my garden and then on to some writing. I need my writing to continue if I want to reach my goals. Well, I wish everyone an awesome and blessed day. Take care.

05/22/2018

     It is six-thirty in the morning here in Dalton, Georgia, so good morning everyone who is awake now. Good morning goes out to all those who will be getting up in a few hours. The sun is just starting to come up this morning and I look forward to the day. I have been having some mental health issues lately and saw my therapist yesterday who gave me some tips to cope with some of my issues and I have an appointment with my psychiatrist tomorrow for medication.
      It is quiet here in the house since I am the only one up and the dogs are outside. We went to bed early last night and I got up only a couple times during the night. I am finally catching up on some sleep and getting rid of the bags under my eyes from so much broken sleep.
     I have an appointment with wound care today to check the ulcer healing on my big toe and to put a new cast on my foot. June fifth I will be going to get fit for custom diabetic shoes and inserts to help my feet. The doctor at wound care told me that I will be in a cast until my shoes are ready. I am trying to comply with the doctor's orders but it is hard.
     So far I am working my schedule and it seems to get easier even with having doctor's appointments and errands. I still make time to play catch up. My husband has been very helpful and supportive even with helping around the house. I am very thankful that God sent him to me. I will be working all three books today and every day.
     I am also working on crafts to sell at the flea market which will help with my nonprofit. I will be setting up an author table and selling my books to get my name and brand out there. I have left business cards in doctor's offices and other places for people to pick up and be able to go to my site. I know it will take a few months before my brand is really out there and I see a significant income from royalties but it is okay. I will keep writing which makes me happy and is relaxing.
     Well, it's that time again for me to end this post and get started with today's goals. I wish everyone a blessed and awesome day. I hope everyone checks out my site and reads the short stories on there. Take care.

05/17/2018

     Hello Everyone. I am doing pretty good today. I had a doctor's appointment this morning to get things going to get my custom diabetic shoes and inserts. I will also be scheduling for a podiatrist and urologist for some other problems. Today I found out that my A1C has gone down quite a bit since February and that my liver and kidney functions are normal and working pretty good.
     My mental health status is doing okay. I go see my therapist on Monday and then the psychiatrist for medications on Wednesday. I still have issues with anxiety and sometimes my depression slips through but I have been trying to keep myself busy to try and not notice it.
     For the last few days, I have been working on my notebook that holds me accountable for my book writing. I finally finished it today and now I am ready to keep myself on track. My writing has been going good and pretty much on schedule. I am still looking for beta or proofreaders to assist with my book writing and publishing. Anyone want to help out just leave me a comment with your email address or email me at bpayne43@live.com. My next three books should be ready around the end of the first week of June.
     Well, I need to continue my schedule and move forward today. I wish everyone a blessed and prosperous day and look forward to posting again tomorrow. Take care.

05/08/2018

     Good morning, everyone. How are you? I got up a little early but an hour past my alarm. I just finished updating my to-do list for today. I have plenty to do to get everything caught up. I just started laminating my promotional bookmarkers for my author table on Saturday at the local flea market. I will be placing ads and notices everywhere to let everyone locally know that I will be there to come on out and purchase an autographed book. I am so excited.
     I will be making some plaster paper mache masks this week to take also. I look forward to meeting people even though I am an introvert but a percentage of the revenue will go to my charity that assists the homeless in regaining their self-sufficiency. I look forward to helping more people this year than last year. I have to update its website being that due to health problems last year I couldn't get out as much as I would have liked.
     It will be a better year this year and I remain hopeful that everything will work themselves out. I have lots to do and I am even getting ready to do some videos or podcasting about my books as well as possibly one about abuse, trauma, and the recovery to which I am still dealing with certain issues of my past life. I want others to know that you can become a survivor and that they are not alone.
     Well, it is time to get my day started now that the coffee cup is empty and I will attempt to keep you updated every day on what new things this indie author is up too. Have a great day and take care.

04/03/2018

Today has been such a free feeling for me. I have had nothing but stress and drama for the last few weeks outside of my own household. Today, I have been able to free myself from all that hinders me and my marriage. I am no longer responsible for people who don’t appreciate anything, want to control everything, greed for money and materialistic things, and drama filled lives. It was becoming such a burden on my life and mental health status that lots of bad things were beginning to happen within myself. I have put myself on hold for so long and doing for others, OUTSIDE of where we live, that it now feels like I can shed that old tired skin off and live life the way it was meant for living.

I do not speak for my husband, but I must refrain from associating with his side of the family to keep myself positive and moving forward. They live differently than what I am used to and have different values than my own. It seems that what is pleasing and satisfying to them, makes me feel like I am just stuck in a sphere or frozen state never moving forward and only being content with dullness. It seems that some of them only survive to take what they can get from others, sucking the very essence and life out of everyone around them.

I guess it is true that misery really does love company and they are a perfect example of that. No one can really be happy around them and it is liberating to be free from them and only being able to live and be happy as only I know how. Like I said, I cannot speak for my husband, and I will never keep him from them, but we have a better life ahead of us and God will be leading the way.

Now, on to better notes, I am regaining a piece of me that had hid for a few weeks not knowing when it would be safe to poke it’s head out and enjoy what life has to offer. I am shedding off hinderances and putting back up on the shelves childish things to use what God has given me. It has been a rollercoaster ride for the past few years with lots of family leaving this life and moving on to a better place without pain and sorrow. There are not too many of the elders left and when they are all gone it would be hard because of no one being there to answer my still sought-after questions of life and advice. The world is going to hell in a handbag and I refuse to sit around and let life pass me by.

Today, I begin writing again and exploring fantasy so I can escape from what ails me. Sometimes, it is good to get away and relax on that white sandy beach watching the white-capped waves as they roll in. I have been so distraught over life that I seriously need a break and will find that in my stories. One of my future books will change or be deleted because of family drama. Writing it would bring ill feelings and I don’t want to return to that negative place.

I hope everyone had an awesome Easter with family and friends and I will end this post here and bid everyone a good night. Before I go, I do want to send prayers out to someone I know who is in the hospital right now and for a speedy recovery because he is missed here at home. 

02/15/2018

I truly apologize for not posting since January 31st. There have been a lot of things going on with my health which has caused a lot of turmoil. I was scheduled to see my psychiatrist for my next refills of medication but we had some freak snow storms coming through which Dalton panics and everything shuts down. So, I never made it to my doctor and ran out of medication for ten days which caused some serious withdrawals which concerned my husband enough to make me housebound and even he called the pharmacy asking them to get ahold of my doctor for refills.

They finally got ahold of the doctor and refilled my medications so I am back on my mental health medication. Then, I went to see my primary care doctor and I have a diabetic ulcer on the bottom of my big toe which I now have to wear a walking boot until my appointment with wound care on Monday. I also have a major infection in the same foot which the doctor has me on a strong antibiotic for the infection.

On top of everything else, Now I am having bowel issues. I fill like I have to go only to sit in pain on the toilet as my body has contractions making me push when there is nothing there to push out. Having this issue for the past few days, I ended up prolapsing my anus which I had to take a hot bath and push it back in. I have been having severe abdominal cramps which have made me want to sleep so that my bowels can rest and I can be pain-free for a few hours. I have been walking gently while holding my lower abdomen so that it is not jarred. I have actually been miserable for the past few days.

Things here at home have been a little out of sorts. My husband and I are good and have been spending time with each other, but the relationship between his sister and I has been awkward. I have no clue as to what is going on but the closeness that we used to share is not there anymore. It feels like we are miles apart and all she does is stay in her room. I understand that I stay in my room a lot but I am being productive with my writing and getting things done. It seems we are drifting apart and losing the closeness we used to share.

Now you see that I am as normal as anyone else and have issues like any normal human being. I am always looking to make my relationship with my readers more personal so that you can get to know me better. I am no better than anyone else and I hope through my postings I have proved that.

Well, now that I feel a little better and have some energy I am going to get back to working on some things to keep moving forward. I hope everyone had a perfect and special Valentine’s Day and will talk again soon. Take care.