Monday, May 21, 2018

05/21/2018

     Good morning to all of my friends and family. It has been a rollercoaster of emotions for the last few days. Sometimes I have issues with remembering to take my medication. Things will get so crazy about having to drive here and go there that I will forget. So, the last time I took medication was on Thursday and It was the reason for a mental breakdown over the weekend.
     I was fine one minute and then began feeling bad and then the crying started. I would cry until I couldn't cry anymore and it made my husband feel bad because there wasn't too much he could do for me but hold me. There was a breakdown Friday night which was just crying, then the second one hit Saturday where the bad thoughts tried to creep in and then I needed a babysitter which was my husband.
     He wouldn't let me be alone at all with me feeling like I was. It was almost like being a prisoner at times but I am thankful that he was there. We ended up playing video games almost all night just so he could keep watch. I felt so much rage and anger and that is not like me. I do have a past of suicidal tendencies or self-harm but it was back in my teens. My husband helped me get through the weekend.
     Now that I am back on my medication and that he is helping me to remember I feel better and feel like myself again. I remember me telling him in one of the crying spells that I wanted to be normal but I couldn't and that medication had to control me and make me live the best that I can. I really think that it isn't fair that some people have to take medication just to live a somewhat normal life and perform normal everyday activities.
     On to a better subject. I have finished putting my binder together with procedures, goals, and habits that I want to get done and learn. My goals are simple and will hold me accountable for everything having to do with writing, editing, publishing, and marketing. I am a list person who has to write down everything to remind and tell me what I need to get done.
     Today I will be doing quite a bit of writing to catch up. I will be writing a full chapter of two books and a full short story for the third book. I love writing and even in my sleep the other day, I played out a scene for one of the books that hadn't even been written yet. I woke up and told my husband that I need to write because I was shown a scene while I slept. He just looked at me.
     It gets easier to write when I play out the scenes in my head or live it while writing. I get to find out a review of my first book today when I go see my therapist. She has had a copy of my first book for a month to read and today I will find out what she thinks about it. It is the first book of nonfiction series that if it all receives a good review, I would like to get together a support group and even travel around speaking to people dealing with these issues and even passing out books for them to read and maybe it will help them.
     It is now time for me to finish a short story on the site that I have begun and will finish today and publish on the site. I know it is Monday and some people don't look forward to it, but I wish every one of my family and friends out there a very awesome day to their work week. Take care.